i find loss comes the hardest when forgotten for a moment, for a time and then i reach for where you ought to be with words i ought to say and find you nowhere i can't use fancy words to dress this up i don't know how i don't know how i don't know how S.
I know what that's like, and it's never easier to forget. If it was truly important than it will never go away, it just comes back worse than ever before.
I had a dream last night that a boy I loved and lost was in my bed with me. It was one of the most real feelings in the world and waking up was such a shock. I though writing about it would help but then I realized I didn't know how, either. Some breaks are too loud to write about.
Those temporary gaps in the memory...when you turn, smiling, to tell something to the person you know will totally get it and smile back, and then you realise you don't get to receive that smile any more. That moment when, half-dreaming still, you throw your arm out in bed expecting it to land over someone's hip, and instead there is only empty space in the sheets.
Loss is hard. Remembering and re-remembering is even harder, I think.
It's the moments of happiness that you never thought you'd get back that always seem to bring out the most sadness. I love this. You always know how to say what I feel.
I always felt like knowing what's felt and explaining it were two different concepts.
ReplyDeleteWords can never totally imbibe what the heart feels.
I know what that's like, and it's never easier to forget. If it was truly important than it will never go away, it just comes back worse than ever before.
ReplyDelete/ Avy
http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com
♥
S... I don't know either... I just know you always make me feel and think... your words touch me.... :-/
ReplyDeleteI had a dream last night that a boy I loved and lost was in my bed with me. It was one of the most real feelings in the world and waking up was such a shock. I though writing about it would help but then I realized I didn't know how, either. Some breaks are too loud to write about.
ReplyDeleteEm
Tightrope to the Sun
my loss will be one year on the 11th.... 'still groping for an answer, at the same time, trudging the road to acceptance
ReplyDeleteThose temporary gaps in the memory...when you turn, smiling, to tell something to the person you know will totally get it and smile back, and then you realise you don't get to receive that smile any more. That moment when, half-dreaming still, you throw your arm out in bed expecting it to land over someone's hip, and instead there is only empty space in the sheets.
ReplyDeleteLoss is hard. Remembering and re-remembering is even harder, I think.
It's the moments of happiness that you never thought you'd get back that always seem to bring out the most sadness. I love this. You always know how to say what I feel.
ReplyDelete