Joy -

“It was her habit to build up laughter
out of inadequate materials.”

John Steinbeck 

{Photo via: We Heart It}

News.

This is a lot more difficult than I imagined it being; though I did imagine this day.

I've always wanted the best for you. But I couldn't let go of the hope that that meant me.

But it's not. It doesn't.
And in logic I knew that, I wished for that. But it's the accepting it - the seeing it in action - that lends to the trouble in my heart.

Don't get me wrong, because I am happy for you; really. I remember, once, thinking up what you needed; and it's what you have now. Yes, I am glad for you.

It's just that my selfishness imagined hot chocolate chats, and mistletoe dances, and cookie dough food fights, and now that picture is changed. She changes things a lot.

And part of me wants that. I want your happiness. I want you to have someone who will stick around; someone who will appreciate your good cooking, that side-ways grin, your ridiculous laughter and those sarcastic comments through every season.

But another part wishes you had seen that you already had that; that somebody already did -- somebody that's wishing she wasn't so damn far from you these nights.

Congratulations on finding happiness, though.
I'll find my way too, one of these days...

S.

When You Feel Just Like A Tourist.

Do you know, I'm moving out in three days. Three small days.

Not just houses, either. No. I'm jumping straight over four provinces to get to the right one. Or, I hope it's the right one, that it's where I'm supposed to be at this point in life.

Truth is, I don't know what I'm doing. It all seems a little silly. Like some joke that just got taken too far. It's terrifying and I question myself, and wonder what a fool I am.

But exciting. Oh it's exciting.

And I've been having such a time exploring this area that I live, as a desperate measure, to see all I can before I can't. I just got back from a two day kayak trip with my best friend. We spent the time hitchhiking around, meeting locals, eating crepes, going to the Saturday Market, visiting her family. And then tenting on a little island, one of the little spits of land that you could walk around in five minutes flat. Our own private island for the night.

When it's time to leave, you know it, because everything and everyone becomes so much more real - and yet, unreal in a sense. You want to touch and see and feel everything because you know soon, oh too soon, it will all just be memory. And I'm trying to leave with the best ones possible.
And I'm succeeding, if time wouldn't keep hurrying me along.

Three days. Three more days.

S.

It's Been A Good Run.

Finished. And it has been good - great, even. And it is done.

Our graduation ceremony was Friday, and our dry grad was Friday night/Saturday morning. Too many words for it all. I wish we had a week to experience what we did in one night. So much excitement. So much to take in.

Our parents spoiled us to death. The prizes alone for this event must have cost a fortune. And the decorations, the games, the entertainment. Mind blowing.

I am so thankful for everything that has brought me to this point. Somehow all the stress, the tears, the late nights wondering if I was going to finish everything on time fade from my mind and all there is, is the amazing moments. The ones that I will hold on to forever. Even through the longest ceremony of all time, where we had to go through every one of us graduates, it was still beautiful and wonderful.
I don't know if I will be able to ever fully appreciate everything our parents, our teachers, and my fellow grads did to make this all happen, but I do know I am so very thankful they did it all.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all. These last few weeks have been ones to remember. From the grad tie dying, to the grad party I helped organize, to the cap and gown ceremony, to the amazing, fantastic, unbelievable dry grad, it has been unforgettable.

These last 12 years in high school have been well worth this. And now I am ready - for the moment at least - to face the "real world" and go onto what lies ahead.

Hopefully I will have a clearer mind later to express in more detail some of the past events. Right now, thank you, to everyone who has helped me along the way. I have so much gratitude, and I hope that the way I live my life will be an expression of that gratitude.

S.

Beautiful Things

Beautiful people, beautiful places, beautiful moments and memories. I'm so happy.

This weekend was banquet for our grad class, and it was wonderful. I think it would take me the rest of my life to look through all the photos taken of that day. It was just so beautiful.

I'm so thankful for all the people in my life - the ones there to watch, the ones that wished they could have been, and the ones standing beside me. I want to store all of my memories up and never lose a single one.

Love you all Grad 2011!

S

Take a glorious bite out of the whole world..

Have you ever noticed how you can go for so long and never realize anythings wrong or out of place until something comes along that is so right and so in sync that all of the sudden you can see so clearly that you've been living in the dark?

That happened to me yesterday. As it does every year around this time.
It happens when, one day, unexpectedly, the sun shines. The sky's blue. And the air smells new and fresh.

It's days like yesterday that I realize that all the days up until then have been so very mediocre.

Here's to many more days that the sun shines brightly on our heads.

S