Sunday 4 December 2011


This is a lot more difficult than I imagined it being; though I did imagine this day.

I've always wanted the best for you. But I couldn't let go of the hope that that meant me.

But it's not. It doesn't.
And in logic I knew that, I wished for that. But it's the accepting it - the seeing it in action - that lends to the trouble in my heart.

Don't get me wrong, because I am happy for you; really. I remember, once, thinking up what you needed; and it's what you have now. Yes, I am glad for you.

It's just that my selfishness imagined hot chocolate chats, and mistletoe dances, and cookie dough food fights, and now that picture is changed. She changes things a lot.

And part of me wants that. I want your happiness. I want you to have someone who will stick around; someone who will appreciate your good cooking, that side-ways grin, your ridiculous laughter and those sarcastic comments through every season.

But another part wishes you had seen that you already had that; that somebody already did -- somebody that's wishing she wasn't so damn far from you these nights.

Congratulations on finding happiness, though.
I'll find my way too, one of these days...



  1. Although I don't know the story here, I'm guessing it's about a boy you liked who's moved away and has met someone new? I'm sorry, that's tough. There's always that guy, isn't there, that you like and who you hope one day will see you as you see him ... but sometimes it isn't meant to be. Other times, when it is, it works out in the end. I hope that whichever way it works out for you, it's for the best, and that isn't doesn't hurt too much until then :)

    I'm stopping over from FTLOB comment love day, by the way!

  2. Hard to be happy for someone-i know you should-but hard all the same. Things will get easier.

  3. PS- i've been there-still am.

    Stopping from FTLOB by the way!

  4. You are an amazing writer. You capture the lightness of being so well.