Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Of Sickness and Desertion

I'm graduating soon. And soon I have to do a presentation about my life up until this point.

Naturally I've been digging around in photo albums old and new and I have found myself in a severe state of nostalgia. Reminiscing on days of the past is not easy when the place you're at now simply does not compare.

I miss having a hand to hold.

And looking back at the good times only brings to mind the reasons they are no longer good times. All the falling outs, the hurt and sadness. The loneliness. It all comes back in an instant. And right now it feels a little bit more than I can bear.

Lately I haven't been as good as I would wish.
Last night, being sick and exhausted, my dance teacher told me I could leave class early. And I drove home. Crying all the way. Why? No reason in particular.. Many reasons, probably. As I said, I was sick and exhausted. I was (am) feeling like a failure because I'm dropping a course in school. And somehow the rejection that came with my break up hasn't fully healed, it seems. And it didn't help to have Dallas Green singing songs to me out of my CD player that seemed to describe my situation perfectly.

I wish these days were the picture perfect high schools you see in movies. But life's not like the movies. Those days were never real. It's not even like the pictures of the past. Those days are long gone.

I'm just feeling very empty these days. And my fear is that I'll never get full.

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