Wednesday 16 October 2013

my ghost .

I was there when you taught yourself guitar - I listened through basic chords and tireless picking until you got it right. I would climb up after you in the giant tree behind your house - we'd kick at the moss and track the sun through the sky. I answered every time you called in the middle of the night - turning up the radio so my parents couldn't hear. We'd talk for hours, but I can't remember what about. 

I was there when you told me what you did to make it all go away. I cried into my bed that night because you failed, and I couldn't imagine if you hadn't. 
I was the one you called after you broke down. Psychosis. I brought you in a coffee you weren't supposed to have (largewithcreamandsugarplease). I sat with you in white rooms and listened to you explain yourself, but you didn't. 

I came back again, anyways. I brought you coffee again, anyways. 

I came back until one day they told me to stop coming back. You couldn't see me anymore, and I haven't seen you since.

And yet, I still hear your last words, haunting:

"Maybe you have already died. I know I have." 



  1. Omg S. I cried... that's so sad :'(

  2. God yes. You inspire me so much, S. It is unreal.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  3. Losing oneself is the worst that happens.
    Sometimes you lose it, sometimes kill it.

  4. Oh gosh, I can't really think of anything to say....this filled me with so much emotion, I'm not crying, I'm just staring at my laptop taking it all in...I don't know what the relevance of my comment is but I just thought I'd let you know that these words are so touching and beautiful, it feels like this short piece has told a thousand's lovely <3