Tuesday 29 October 2013

claustrophobia .

I never had a problem with tight spaces until I met you. You made my life so goddamn unbreathable. You, with your phone calls and your line of questions. You fired them at me and I didn't have a chance. You placed me in front of my grave and BAM BAM BAM, I'm down, buried under everything I never got to answer because you knew. You already knew. You thought you knew, so you buried me. But you didn't know. And now I'm underground, closed in by particles and dirt, and it's not unlike being with you, because you were like that, so close that I couldn't breathe. So maybe suffocating here is better than in your arms but I don't think so. I think you made yourself insufferable, I think you got so near because you wanted to drive me away, and I think you left me before you let me speak because you did know. You knew, but you needed to pretend that it was me not you who couldn't stand small places. And the thing is that I could, until you shot me down and I got trapped under the weight of everything but your lips. Because I could live with phone calls and lines of questions. It was when they left that I fell into this pit. 
S. 

5 comments:

  1. Sad. And interesting. The writing, always great.

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  2. "You knew, but you needed to pretend that it was me not you who couldn't stand small places. And the thing is that I could, until you shot me down and I got trapped under the weight of everything but your lips"

    As usual, just amazing stuff!

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  3. Oh my gosh... I feel the claustraphobia from the words you entwind. This past month I have been feeling like I am falling... not sure where I'll land :-/

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  4. It's amazing that the brain can trick us into needing such toxic energy in our lives to keep ourselves standing on horribly wobbly crutches. This is gorgeous, S.

    Em
    Tightrope to the Sun

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  5. You write beautifully! Please come see us at Females of the World and let us know if you'd like to contribute anything - we'd so love to have you!

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