the intricacies of breaking .

in trying to say goodbye,
                                       gracefully
i do not know where to put my hands.

                 if i went with what my body said,
i would hold yours close to mine
                                  fleshtoflesh
                  handtolips
                                (wondering, always,
                                 where did the distance first creep in)

except,

i don't think that is what a clean
                                                           break looks like.


it is easy to let go of the reality of us
there is freedom in the        
                                                                              unshackling
                                 of one person
                                                         from another

except,

i don't know where to put down this
                     idea
                                            thatfusedus
                                                           (long before we even touched)


i have a
           sinking
                     suspicion that unfinished ideas
                                                                                       grow
         into something they ought not to be

                                      and nostalgia is a dirty bitch
that eats people alive from the inside out
                                      if left unchecked

so i've been holding my breath when i hear your name

i've been
                                       detaching
                  (and it's as easy as i remember it)

i've been letting the distance expand between your body and mine

i've been filling the space with things that do not remind me of what we should have been

                                                  i'm trying to say goodbye to you
                                                 in a way where both of us survive
                                                                      whole

                                   and i think it's working
(i'll let you know when i let out the air).

S.

{Photo by: Codrina Cazacu}